At 18 years old, I was no stranger to grief, but if you had asked me then I’d have told you I didn’t do it “right.” Life began to feel like a painful and ugly process of going through the motions in between trial dates for my cousin’s murder. 5 years later, after sentencing, I thought I could close that chapter of my life that had been marred by loss.
Instead, some months after that, I received more life altering news. My husband, Ian, was found to have stage IV cardiac synovial sarcoma. Overnight, my world shifted completely, again. This time was different in that I was experiencing anticipatory grief. I knew what was coming, but always hoped for a little more time.
I also knew I had to approach my grief differently than I had before, if I were to get through it. I reached out for every resource available to me. In the final days of Ian’s life, I lived in the ICU by his side. This is where I first learned of Wild Grief thanks to a social worker.
My time as a caregiver ended on a cold January morning. I was 24 years old and now a widow. How could that be? Nothing felt real anymore. When I dreamt, it would be of a wall of water approaching me, bringing with it an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I knew what it was, but I also knew it hadn’t fully arrived yet.
In my period of shock, I can only describe what I did as nesting. I got myself into therapy, began attending a weekly grief group, searched for community, and filled out an application for a grief focused backpacking trip that would take place that summer. I was afraid of the day that my feelings would finally hit. Afraid I’d have nowhere to land.
Perhaps more than anything else, I’ve found being a young widow to be lonely. Very few of my peers had experienced the kind of grief that comes from losing someone close to them. I wanted connection with other people my age who could understand this feeling. I wanted to be able to sit beside them and without having to say anything, know that they get it.
Nadia on her first Young Adult Backpacking Trip with Wild Grief.
On my first young adult backpacking trip with Wild Grief, it felt like I could finally take a full breath. The weight of our packs was a weight we shared. We carried it together up a steep and windy trail until finally making camp. From there we got to share meals, beautiful views, laughter, stories, and tears too. This was my first time backpacking.
Ian always had an affinity for nature, and I wanted to find that in myself too. I found I felt closest to him when I was exploring his interests, taking him alongside me through all my new experiences. After this trip, I started going hiking on my own and taking time to reflect on and acknowledge my grief and healing. I wanted to continue participating in programs offered by Wild Grief, having been moved by their mission. I attended many of their monthly hike habits, and later became a volunteer guide.
Nadia (front) as a guide on our August 2026 Young Adult Backpacking Trip.
I have always aspired to work in the service of others. I used to be an educator, and I’ve since decided I want to work in oncology. I am currently pursuing my bachelor degree in biomedical sciences with the intent of continuing my education to become a physician assistant. I see a lot of value in providers being not only able to sympathize, but empathize with their patients.
As a guide, I have the unique insight of having walked in the shoes of our participants. I have found that in facilitating I am better able to connect with parts of my grief I may not consider much otherwise. I’ve learned a lot from listening to their stories. My journey with grief has shown me how much there is to be appreciated in life, not in spite of, but in contrast to my pain. I have Wild Grief to thank for helping me discover that.
"Nature can hold us while we grieve, makes no judgments and is big enough for all of our grief."
Nadia (left) as a guide on our August 2026 Teen Backpacking Trip.